by Michelle Goulbourne – Article / October – December 2020
Wedding Nights are usually the most anticipated of all events, especially for first-time couples. Unfortunately, many couples have never been taught that marriage is a covenant between them and God, physically and spiritually, enacted by the shedding of blood in their consummation.
What to expect on the Wedding Night
A newly-wed couple who I knew, had just returned from their honeymoon. I asked the couple for feedback on their marriage so far. The wife blurted out, “Sex is overrated!” What was she thinking? She had just given more than enough information, that both of them simply had no idea on what to expect, and what God had intended sex to be for the Christian couple. I secretly pulled her aside and admonished her never to speak like that again, as she had just embarrassed her husband. Was she thinking that sex would operate on its own, didn’t she have a part to play in it? Was there a friendship or even a love relationship to begin with? Paul had mentioned that Christian couples are to come together as often as they can to give no place to the devil. On the other hand, the devil would want Christian couples to be upset with each other so often, that they would neglect their sexual relations, which is such an important part of the marriage. When Christian couples have sexual intercourse, they continue to agree to the one-flesh union that the Bible speaks about.
For Christian couples, sexual intercourse in marriage is a beautiful experience in giving praise to God. Sex was not meant to be used as a tool to dominate each other saying, “Your body is now mine and I can do anything that I want” but it is to ensure that our prayers are not hindered by the poor ways that we are treating each other, 1 Peter 3:7.
Sex in Non-Christian Marriages
For Christian couples, the wedding night is totally different from unbelievers. Quite often, unbelievers are already sexually active with each other and sometimes with other partners on an ‘on and off’ basis. Therefore, having no moral/spiritual gauge for what governs their lives, unbelievers determine themselves what is acceptable in the bedroom.
The Wedding Night-for Christians
On the Wedding night, for those who practised biblical abstinence, sex can be either scary or exciting depending on how they have been educated on the topic. One wife hid in the bathroom all night from her husband as she was told how painful sex would be. The Bible speaks about ‘two becoming one flesh.’ Gen 2:24. This ‘one-flesh union’ is graphically illustrated in the anatomy of both the male and the female; we see that the difference in the design of the male and female anatomy is completely complimentary.
The first experience for the couple cannot be forced and so there needs to be sensitive foreplay and tender loving care taken, making it comfortable for both persons. During intercourse, the level of intimacy is paralleled, in its physical closeness, transparency, honesty and sensitivity, to entering the Holiest Place of the Tabernacle, where there was a veil that needed to be torn in order to encounter God. The same happens in the marriage covenant where the physical hymen that is broken is symbolic of the torn veil in the Tabernacle. Indeed something needs to be broken for blood to be shed. This is where the marriage is proven to be consummated and the covenant actually begins in the natural realm and the spiritual realm. Jesus Christ shed His blood for us and so we have been made one with Christ. So it is, with the marriage bed, blood is shed between both persons and a covenant has also been made. Heb 13:4
Often, Christian couples who have been sexually active before marriage, whether with each other or with external partners, find themselves dissatisfied emotionally on the wedding night. Those who were active with each other, have breached the laws of heaven and can be experiencing mistrust. Even though couples can seem emotionally satisfied because physicality and passion are exuded during sexual intercourse; there is an underlined guilt that operates within their relationship. Doubts set in, “could my spouse actually cheat on me, the same way they broke their vows to God to abstain until marriage?”
For those who had repeatedly made covenants with others sexually, unknown to them at the time, by the act of breaking the hymen which invoked a covenant; they have had to go into prayer and fasting to break these resistant, ‘soul ties’ which haunt them continually. Mark 10:8; 1 Cor 6:16. Note, the soul realm is where ties of the mind, the will and the emotions are made. Two souls literally became one and a breakup causes ‘heartache’, emotional pain and spiritual severing.
Another issue with premarital sex is the matter of comparing the initial encounter to their current married partner. Sometimes during sexual activities within marriage, their mind is focussed on someone else in their soul. This running comparison between partners causes a spiritual divide that widens incrementally. It becomes a problem where demons can use it to tempt the couple mentally whilst in the matrimonial bed and ultimately creates an insatiable lust for deeper sexual pleasure. This can lead to deviant sexual practices and immorality that do not honour God.